We need to be honest with ourselves and admit that there is nothing remotely fierce about the ‘Fierce Five.’ They’re all five-foot nothing and could be held off with an extended arm. It’s a really terrible nickname and we need to stop using it. Unfortunately Gymnastics USA has adopted it on their website, so we’re probably already too late.
Still, hear me out. Nicknames used to come with more panache than some alliteration and the ability to count. Football had Pittsburgh’s “Steel Curtain” and Denver’s “Orange Crush,” basketball had Detroit’s “Bad Boys” and L.A.’s “Showtime,” and of course baseball has the “Bronx Bombers.” So let’s think a little harder before we put a final label on these girls, lest their incredible accomplishments enter into history with a sub-par nickname.
“Golden Girls” is dumb and too easy, “America’s Queens” is cliché, and we can think of four people (and their mothers) who wouldn’t like “Gabby and the Girls,” or “Aly and her Allies” – but seriously, those are two awesome names. We could be talked into “Bratz” or “the Freshmen” because they both make sense in context, but they probably wouldn’t be popular, much like the Bratz and most actual freshmen.
So now we’re left thinking outside the box and for our money the best answer is “the Gym Rats.” And sure, we’re almost certain most teen girls don’t like to be called rats in any context, but it’s a positive term for people who work hard and never rest until they achieve their goals and we think these girls fit that bill. Plus, gymnastics takes place in a gym, so it works on a number of levels. Tell us we’re wrong.
So that’s what we’re going with now. Please join us in demanding better nicknames for our proud athletes. And lastly, I’m sorry, but the “Magnificent Seven” is a group of gunslingers led by Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen, no matter how amazing Kerri Strug’s vault was in ‘96. Let’s retroactively fix that one, too.